More book… less cook!

So as my time winds down on my year off from the real world I have been writing a lot more and baking a lot less, as you can see from my latest postings. So I figured I would give you another bit from my book. Please keep in mind that these look-sees I post have not been professionally edited, so there are mistakes in there that will one day get fixed. I'm a writer, not a copyeditor (much to dismay of my current freelance boss!)! 

Obviously this tidbit has been taken from the center of a chapter. The beginning part is being kept a secret for a reason, as I don't want to give away to much on my blog! Why ever would you buy the book if you already know what happens? So if you are confused at the start, I meant for you to be ;) 

“Well she pulled this curtain around us both, even though no one else was there, because at some point the other woman must have left without me realizing it. But so she pulls this dark purple curtain around us, which I notice has those little mirrors puffy painted all over it. Do you remember those?” Liv shook her head yes and I continued. “I used to have an entire outfit with them on it. I remember it, it was grey stretch pants and a grey sweatshirt and the mirrors were surrounded with white puffy paint. I thought I was the shit in that outfit!” I paused to take another sip, and then said, “I got it at the Bucks County Mall on Street Road. They had a bunch of different colors but I remember thinking grey was really sophisticated.”
“Um hello! Enough eighties reminiscing, back to the psychic!” Liv exclaimed as she rolled her eyes at me.
“Oh sorry,” I said taking one last sip before putting my drink back down. “So she takes out this wooden flute thing and tells me the blow into it four times high and four times low, and of course once again I had no idea what she meant. But you know me, I didn’t want to seem like a freaking idiot in front of the psychic, so I blew four times high and four times low.”
Liv spit out a bit of her food with a laugh and said, “How did you do that?”
I laughed too and said, “I have no idea, but I must have done it right because she got a big smile on her face and said ‘Good, excellent, good!’ and clapped her hands practically right in front of my face. Then she pulls out some sage and lights it, and it is literally on fire, like I was expecting Smokie the Bear to come in and intervene. So she blows it out and bits of burnt leaf go all over me. Then she waves it around my face and head and starts chanting something under her breath.”
“Why do you have a care bear band aid on your arm?” Liv asked.
“What?” I stammered, totally caught off guard by her change of subject.
“Why do you have a care bear band aid on your arm?” Liv asked again.
“You just now noticed that?” I replied.
“Yes.”
“We have been here for forever, and you are just now realizing that I have a care bear band aid on my arm.”
“Yes! Why is it there, and why do you own care bear band aids?” Liv said, reaching for her cigarettes after filling up on fried onion.
“I had some weird pimply thing on my arm and I picked at it and it freaked me out so I put some Neosporin on it and a band aid, and now it’s not freaking me out anymore,” I answered, myself not full of onion, as I reached for the last bite.
“But why the care bears?”
“Because the purple care bear on the box was smiling at me when I was in Target and you know me, I cannot refuse anything purple nor anything bear, so I brought him home. Low and behold the box contained bands aids, so not only did I get a purple cardboard bear, but first aid as well.”
“You are a crackhead!” Liv howled.
“Yes, yes I am, and that is why you love me in only the way that you can!” I replied with a smile and a chew.
Fred appeared and took away our now demolished appetizer and informed us that he would put in our lunch order now. Feeling like I couldn’t eat another bite, I groaned, leaned back in my chair and started rubbing my stomach.
“I love how you rub your stomach like that and yet back in college you broke up with Tommy what’s his name because he rubbed his stomach after he ate,” Liv said, making me choke on the sip of margarita I had just taken.
I sat there painfully coughing as I laughed and tried to decide how best to defend myself. “Oh my god, how do you remember these things!” I said through another cough.
“I’m like a tree,” she said with a triumphant smile.
“What?” I laughed.
“I’m like a tree, trees are old and have long memories,” Liv said, still smiling.
“What the F are you talking about?” I said.
“That’s what they say,” Liv said, sounding a bit less sure of herself this time.
“Who are ‘they,’ ” I questioned.
“Those people,” Liv said with a doubtful half smile.
I sat there laughing and trying to figure out for the life of me what she could be referring to when it hit me. “Ooohhh mmmyyyy Goddd, do you mean elephants?” I busted out.
She sat there looking from side to side, as slowly a big smile erupted on her face, and finally she laughed. “Yes, I believe I do.”
“Now who is the crackhead?” I laughed.
“That’s why we are perfect for each other!” Liv said, raising her margarita to toast our frienship.
I lifted my glass and tapped it against hers, making that clinking sound I love. I took a sip as Liv put her glass down, prompting me to protest. “Um excuse me, you clink, you drink woman!”
“Sorry, sorry!” she said in her mock annoyed as she picked up her glass and remedied the offense.

– Copyrighted 2008 Shoo Elephant Shoo 

All Rights Reserved 2008 © Books and Bakes